What Going to an Asian Massage Parlor is Like for the First Time

This is very accurate.





Pro tips: empty your wallet except for $100 plus the cost of the massage (put the rest in your car). It'll usually range from $30-60 depending on the how much time you want. Just get the cheapest/shortest. 

Ask to see the girl before you pay for the massage. If she is ugly, walk out (I'm not giving $100 to an ugly chick). 

If they ask you if you've been there before, the answer always, "YES". If you say no, they'll think you're a noob and a horny loser and will try to get you for $200-300 bucks.

Let her massage you for like 5-10 minutes (so she doesn't think you are a complete perv and she doesn't feel like she is being completely used...even though she is).

If you are a shy guy, you'll have to find some guts here (a few girls will be aggressive, but most of them like to play dumb). Just say, "I want everything". You'll sound retarded, but don't worry she can barely understand english. She'll say, "everything?" Then you say, "Yes everything" then point at her vagina. 

If you don't do this, she'll try to negotiate a handjob, then blowjob, and then fucking, increasing the price on you each time. Once she gives the price for sex, (in my experience will usually be around $150), you say all you have is $100. 

Get off the table, get your wallet and show her. If she protests or offers less (handjob or blowjob) be adamant and say that is all you have and you want sex or nothing at all. 

If all you want is a BJ, do the same trick but with $80. If you try to negotiate down from a fuck to BJ for less money, you might piss her off (you can go somewhere else, but you've lost about $40 at that point). 

She'll take your $100...and well the rest is up to you.

P.S. If they like you, they might throw in a free table shower. If they do take it!

Disclaimer: the above was just for entertainment purposes you freak!